The Winds Are Blowing In From The East

The casket is closed. It is always difficult to watch such an excruciating death. My knees weakened and tears seemed endless. So difficult to let go, no longer able to be called upon. I have mourned and grieved this death for a long time.

Now, I am convinced that it was for the best. It was my pride that had died that day.

It had been some time ago, I fell down on my luck. I had been filled with a sense of hopelessness which pained me to start each new day. A new day consumed with dread and despair, achieving nothing but to be reminded how my ridiculous goals were far from being realistically attained. My goals were sitting on the other side of the ocean and all life handed me was a paddle, which was broken. I have cried, screamed and complained, which only seemed to spread the gap wider between me and my happiness.

Gratitude showed its face to me out of fear. I was afraid things were going to get worse. I was afraid that terrible things would continue to happen in my life and I was fearful of what would become of my children. Gratitude would stop by here and there to console me. Gratitude made me feel fortunate for the little we did have and taught me the importance of the intangible things, which is too often overlooked. Gratitude eventually replaced the ugly pride that filled my soul, no longer able to consume my happiness.

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I have lived in this quote everyday since the death of my pride.

The other day the sun rose in the sky. It was an ordinary day for most, getting the kids off to school, hauling to work. The flowers and trees are busy carrying out spring. The post had been delivered, filling our mailboxes with empty hands waiting for their share of your hard earned money. Some people probably ran a red light and others needed to pick up a few things at the store. All were completely unaware of the wind’s from the east blowing in . . .

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As many of you were going about your day, my makeshift boat scraped on the shallow bottom of the beach, as my calloused hands pulled it ashore.

I have arrived on the other side of that ocean.

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I used duct tape on the paddle. It turns out, it worked just fine.

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WHY? – So Much More Than A Crooked Letter

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Through hardship and difficult times, pieces of your identity come forth in unexpected ways. I had been unaware of the tremendous pride, which I was carrying within me, until I needed to set it free. There was my enormous ego, which fled, leaving me deserted, feeling empty, mourning its departure. We will all experience hardship and loss throughout our lifetime; it’s how we allow these experiences to shape our identity, influence our choices, and test our bonds with one another.

“Why?” I kept asking, “Why? Why is this happening to me? Why wasn’t I better prepared? Why isn’t there anyone to help?” The many “why’s” which I continued to ask, felt like a whisper at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. Despite the absent response, the quiet sense of being ignored in the solitude of my despair, I relentlessly questioned, asking only, “Why?”

An excerpt from my novel.

Photo Credit: http://www.boomsbeat.com