The Pursuit of Happiness

 

A few years ago,  I was at a low point in my life. Every day felt like a fight and a struggle to get through. While raising my young children, I became so focused on being a mother and worrying about all of the things I could not change, I lost myself. In the midst of the chaos and stress, I became disconnected to the person I was and the person I wanted to be.

It was around this time I met a woman that would have a significant imprint on my life. Thinking back, I can see how we had just missed meeting each other earlier. However, it was inevitable our paths would cross. That’s really all that needed to happen for us to become instantaneous friends, as if we had known each other our whole lives. The first time we spoke on the telephone we talked for three hours! I was compelled to let my guard down and be honest and vulnerable, to share my worries and fears and my hopes and dreams. She too was in a place of discontent, desperate for change and growth. Through our hardship, we clung onto each other, setting sail to cross an ocean with hopes to make it to the other side.

Throughout our many conversations, it became clear on what I wanted from life and for the first time I wasn’t afraid to ask for it.

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Slowly, I recognized opportunity and change happening all around me. The dream that I yearned for would slowly become a reality. I was able to step into the person I wanted to be. The person I am.

We only get a handful of people in our lives that know you for who you really are and can still be loving and excepting.

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My best friend is without a doubt my soul mate. She was the mirror I needed to see what was holding me back and has continued to root me on and push me to propel forward. She is forever encouraging me to grow and follow my heart. My life will never be the same having met her.

The thing is, she too was lost and she too had a dream of a better life. Now, the universe has shown up to grant her the opportunity to step into the change she has been seeking for so very long. It is now her turn to pull her boat ashore, having crossed the ocean. 

I know in my heart, that it was no accident we met. It was no accident we both set out on a journey for change and after three long years we were both able to achieve it within months of each other. A soulmate encourages transformation. Neither accomplishment would be as rewarding if we did not both succeed. I raise my glass and tip my hat to you my friend, from the bottom of my heart, wishing you every single ounce of happiness you fought so hard for. ❤

Perhaps a little dramatic. . but i will miss the days when you lived close by!

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Bittersweet Birthday Cake

From the second they place your newly born baby into your arms your life has changed. Not only because of the sleepless nights and endless diapers, but also because there is a person that you instinctively love more than yourself. I have received so much joy experiencing life through their perspective. Getting another chance to feel excited over the first snow fall or the last the day of school. Raising my children has allowed me to reminisce on my own childhood, to feel the magic I once believed in.

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Today my youngest child turned five. As I write it, I still cannot believe it to be true. It feels like the closing of a chapter that is bittersweet. No more toddlers running through the house with bad pronunciations and a desire to stay in the nude. No more little fingers pinching away at scattered cheerios, or toothless grins. No more wobbly feet desperate to walk and no more teeny, tiny hands grasping onto my pinky finger.

There are many things I will not miss from that era of babyhood through toddler-hood, but somehow those details fade to the background, slightly out of focus.

My youngest child is now five.

Now, here I am, navigating through parenting with their childhood fully bloomed, inflated with feelings of their self esteem, curiosity, stress, fear, ego, anger, just to name a few. As a mother, I feel as though somebody turned the parenthood dial up a few notches. There is more to it than just maintaining their life and teaching them not to bite people. I feel an innate urge to ensure they are each emotionally okay, despite the world of influences they face everyday when they step out over the threshold of our home.

“A mother is only as happy and her unhappiest child.”

An accurate statement loaded with stress and heartache, which cannot be avoided. I know that in a few years, when they cross over to the next plateau of their life, I’ll probably look back and think how easy I had it. Tears and frustrations will fade and I will be in amazement of how fast time is passing and how bittersweet it is that they are minimally in my presence.

However, today I am working hard to make sure they have a childhood they can recall upon one day to fill them up with joy and reminisce the magic they were able to experience when they could rely on their mommy to fix their mishaps and make them feel loved unconditionally.

Happy 5th birthday to my last born child.

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A GROWTH SPURT

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Experiencing change is a tornado of feelings all swooshed and swirled together to form something that is unrecognizable. I feel flickers of fear, specks of uncertainty, swirls of excitement, dotted with anxiety, all circulating in happiness. The force of change has left me unable to secure my footing. Its fast pace has left me dizzy.

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Although, this is a much welcomed change, in which I am in no means complaining, it has distracted me from writing, blogging and reading.

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My all time favorite quote.

To my WordPress family, I am slowly returning, I am just in a growth spurt right now. 🙂

Learning How To Balance

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We are all performing our own balancing act, cautious not to lean too much in either direction, contemplating each step and considering the elements that surround us. Although at times we may wobble, we can quickly gain balance and move forward. We have mastered the delicate balancing act of life.

This weekend, my husband rummaged through his tool bag until he pulled out his pliers and removed the training wheels off of my daughters bicycle. Each wheel fell to the floor with a clang as he loosened the lug nuts. My daughter eagerly straddled her bike ready to give it a try. I hope she approaches everything in life with enthusiasm and determination.

We told her to be safe and wear a helmet. I hope she always considers safety before pursuing any future endeavor.

We told her to think about where she would be going. Aim for the fence. I hope she always has a goal she is in pursuit of achieving.

We told her not to lean too much in either direction. I hope she always remembers to hold her ground.

We told her to steer clear of any obstacles. I hope she can always be aware and avoid anything that may get in her way.

We told her to put her feet down when she is ready to get off. I hope she is always able to land on her feet.

When she fell, we told her to dust herself off and get back up. I hope she never lets anything or anyone hold her down.

My husband held onto the seat and ran with her until he couldn’t hold on any longer. We were forced to watch, filled with anxiety, hoping she would be okay. I know one day she will be ready to face the world, soaring forward and, ready to conquer. On that day, we won’t have a choice but to let go.

❤ My baby learned how to ride her bike this past weekend. ❤

LOVE in ten sentences (A Challenge)

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I have been challenged by Nicole from The Whispering Pen for the “Love in Ten Sentences.” I was excited, touched and intimidated by this challenge, as I haven’t written poetry in a LONG time. EEK! Especially to be challenge from such a talented poet and writer such as Nicole. Her Haiku poems depict an interesting perspective. In just a few words she has the ability to create something beautiful, touching and thought provoking. Her blog is all about sending out positive messages and is a breath of fresh air that I look forward to reading.

The challenge is to write a poem about love and title it “Love in Ten Sentences.” It must have 10 lines, each 4 words long. Every line must contain the word “love.” At the end of the poem, you must include a favorite quote about love. Then challenge fifteen other bloggers.

Love erupting like volcanoes,

Love bursting and exploding,

My love spilling within,

Love dripping and leaking,

Crevices coated with love.

Authentic love is messy,

Love you cannot explain,

Boundless love, no restrictions.

Devout love for you,

Identical love you reciprocate.

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I now challenge :

Vickiewhat  (you better do this one!! 😉  )

I came for the soup . . .

Best Poetry Blog in the Cosmos 

The Wild Rumpus

Renee “Soul Writer” Brooks 

Mama Writes Words 

A Writers Life

The Empathy Queen

The Happy Haikuer’s Blog 

Sarah Doughty

Creative Talents Unleashed

But I Smile Anyway

The Return of the Modern Philosopher

My Sweet Nothings

Have fun!! If you weren’t challenged and want to give it a try – Go For It!!! I dare you!! 🙂

Today I will write . . .

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Today I will write because I want to be a writer.

Today I will write because the ache of not writing has become intolerable.

Today I will write to calm the noise in my head, as each thought is fighting for attention. Letting the thoughts drain from my fingers will give me clarity and peace.

Today I will write because my imagination and creativity is clawing at the door and gripping tight to the bars, desperate to break free from the space it is held captive. Only I have the power to set them free.

Today I will write because it is the only thing I can do in my pj’s, sitting on my couch, that makes me feel absolute exhilaration.

Today I will write because the story that I have begun to tell is crying for help. It needs to be tended to and worked on and I am the only one who can fix it.

Today I will write so when I lay my head down at night, I can fall right to sleep, knowing that I consciously took a step towards my passion.

Today I will write because I AM a writer.

Today I will write . . .

will you?

My Focus

I woke up one day and I was hand in hand with a handsome man, tall with jet black hair, masculine features, broad shoulders, well dressed, confident and exciting to be with.  As we walked hand in hand on the cobblestone road, weaving between magnificent architecture puzzled together like a maze leading us on our adventure, the sun shined down brightly upon us as we pondered where we should eat our next meal.  Which cafe or bistro shall we choose?  Would I like to sit here, outside in the cool breeze, beneath a red umbrella, resting my feet as the waiter sets exquisitely plated, savory, foreign foods from this land which we are discovering bite by bite.

Today, this memory is captured in my mind, floating around as I sit in my comfy living room, wearing my favorite pajama pants beside the tree which is peering down at me.  The holiday is over and you simply cannot walk through the house. I need to begin the cleanup, however I have decided to indulge in the memories of days gone by.  I don’t want to face the countless number of boxes, as one would imagine with four “nice” children and a generous grandmother, and after that task, my bed is covered with clean laundry, knotted together, just aching to be folded and sorted into the appropriate drawers.  I am aware that my overwhelming feelings don’t just stem from the monstrous mess scattered throughout the house or the heaping mountain of laundry, but from the lack of distraction my focus will have as of tomorrow.  No more joyous gift giving and secret planning for loved ones. The morning was filled with so much genuine magic and Christmas spirit that it had brought a tear to three adults eyes. However, now I am back to reality.  Back to the bills in which I have no idea how I will pay and more problematic situations in which I have no clue how to improve or change.

Sigh. . . but for tonight and for right now, I’m hand in hand, with that man, in a land far away eating wonderful food on the street, with a new dress resting in a bag beside me. The mess and the problems will just have to wait . . .

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